


I'll Find My Way

by dragonwings948



Series: Doctor Who Series 10 [5]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Blindness, Episode: s10e05 Oxygen, Friendship, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, POV The Doctor (Doctor Who), Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-16
Updated: 2017-05-16
Packaged: 2018-11-01 09:34:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10919124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dragonwings948/pseuds/dragonwings948
Summary: **Spoilers for Oxygen!** "Bill said his name like he had never heard her say it before. Though it was soft and quiet, he could hear the underlying tension. She was worrying about him already. Of course she was." The Doctor's thoughts when Bill discovers that he's blind.





	I'll Find My Way

            The last image in the Doctor’s head was of Bill, her eyes dazed but open and _alive._ He wondered if she would be okay. If only he had his sonic. And his sight. Then he could be sure instead of all this waiting…

            The Doctor heard a rustling from the doorway and two pairs of footsteps came towards him.

            Bill said his name like he had never heard her say it before. Though it was soft and quiet, he could hear the underlying tension. She was worrying about him already. Of course she was.

            The Doctor stood to his feet and turned towards the sound of her voice. He listened for her heartbeat, which began to accelerate but otherwise sounded normal. She was okay. _Okay._

            He wanted to inject enthusiasm into his voice to mask the terror inside that he had been desperately trying to avoid for the past several minutes, but that would be too obvious. Instead his voice came out flat. “Bill. You’re up.”

            He pictured an expression to go with her heartbeat: awed, horrified, guilty, pained. He was glad he couldn’t see it.

            “You’re blind.”

            _Always stating the obvious,_ he thought. The painful thumping of her heart continued pounding in his ears and the Doctor knew that either guilt or fear was becoming the dominant emotion. Now was the time for a joke.

            “I am? Oh, well that explains the bruised shins.” He laughed, but he didn’t hear a response. Instead he heard a clunk as Bill stepped forward, and in the next moment he felt her arms around his neck, her hair tickling his ear. He heard her shuddering breaths and could clearly picture the tears in her eyes. Her heartbeat pounded against his chest.

            The Doctor wanted to hug her back, more for his own comfort than for hers. But he knew that if he did, he would hold her like he would hold a lifeline amidst a sea of towering waves. She would see straight through him and his air of flippancy.

            He didn’t want her to worry. He didn’t want her to know how much the sea of blackness scared him.

            “Oh, don’t go all gooey on me. It’s temporary.”

            Her arms loosened around him and her voice sounded right next to his ear. “Really?”

            Was he convincing her? He wished he could see her face so he knew. “Yeah. Once we get back to the TARDIS—”

            “The TARDIS?”

            She didn’t sound very convinced. “Mmm,” he affirmed with a nod. “I’ve got stuff in there that’ll cure anything.” Going out on a limb, he went for another joke. She liked those. “Failing that, I think I’ve got some spare eyes somewhere. They’re from a lizard, but I’m sure they’ll fit.”

            He almost convinced himself with that explanation. _Almost._ It was true that time lords were more resilient than humans, and it was true that he had an innumerable amount of cures in the TARDIS, but the vacuum of space was relentless. He couldn’t let himself get his hopes up.

            Bill chuckled and the Doctor heard her heartbeat begin to calm. He had eased her mind for now.

            “So, um…until then?”

            What was she going to suggest? That he sit down and stay out of it? That she hold his hand through it?

            “’Until then’ what? You really think this is gonna slow me down? I do most of my best work ordering other people around.”

            Dahh-Ren scoffed behind him. “You do know we’re still here, right?”

            “Didn’t I send you out to get me a latte?” Really, he wished he could have something to distract him: caffeine, knitting— No, knitting wouldn’t work; well it would take a while to get used to without sight, anyway.

            A beat of silence passed and the Doctor wondered if he had turned in the wrong direction to speak to Dahh-Ren. The pity was almost tangible.

            “So, what’s the plan?” Bill’s voice returned to normal, and the Doctor was glad of the change in subject.

            “Well, we’ve all been trying to get a radio working,” Dahh-Ren explained over his right shoulder. “And the Doctor’s been…thinking.”

            The Doctor wasn’t sure if the pause in his speech was meant to implicate sympathy or annoyance.

            Abby seemed to take it in the latter sense, because she pitched in from across the room, “Don’t mean to hurry you, but in 700 breaths, I’ll be dead.”

            Though her attitude was irritating, she was right. He had to figure this out before more people died. “I need to think.” He walked towards where he thought the door was. He felt a dangling pipe in his way in pushed it to the side. Yes, he was going in the right direction—

            His foot banged into something that clattered loudly, the echoes resounding throughout the room. Another pity-filled silence followed. The Doctor knew all eyes were on him and something deep in the pit of his stomach began to boil. Embarrassment, maybe? That was new.

            The Doctor heard Bill’s sharp intake of breath and then Nardole’s statement, “He really doesn’t like help.”

            An alarm began beeping from somewhere closeby but the Doctor knew he needed to get away from people to really be able to think through this. He didn’t have all the time in the world. He reached out his arm to touch the wall and walked out of the room without further hindrance. He heard voices conversing behind him, but they were much quieter.

            The Doctor leaned against the wall and sighed.

            Before he could even begin thinking, footsteps approached. He knew who it was before she even spoke.

            “Doctor.” Bill’s voice was next to him and he turned his head in that direction, trying to determine exactly where she was. But then he decided not to look at her at all; if he looked in the wrong place, she would only feel more sorry for him.

            “You okay?”

            _Okay?_ He had done the impossible before, but this was stretching it. They all had limited oxygen, and here he was with only his brain to figure it all out.

            Good thing he was brilliant, then.

            “Bill, I’ve got no TARDIS, no sonic, about ten minute’s oxygen left, and now I’m blind. Can you imagine how unbearable I’m gonna be when I pull this off?”

            “Don’t do this.” By her tone, she wasn’t impressed with the joke this time. “You always do this.”

            “Do what?”

            “Make jokes to distract me from whatever’s about to kill us.”

            She was right. But he wasn’t only distracting her; he was distracting himself, too. He knew that being blind wasn’t the end of the world. There were plenty of great people who were blind, and they got on just fine. It was just going to take some getting used to.

            But at least he knew that Bill’s voice would be there to guide him through the darkness.

            “What else are jokes for?”

 


End file.
